What Do We Mean by Personal Relationships?

Contributor(s)
Karen Lawson, MD
Reviewer(s)
Kate Hathaway, PhD
mother and daughter

The concept of "relationships and family" is broad and varies from person to person. What you mean by relationship is unique to you, but most people do think of a state of connectedness, especially an emotional connection.

In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.

Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice, and social support. In our model there are three kinds of personal relationships.

Family

family photo, everyone smilingThe concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of relationships, but this varies greatly from person to person. The Bureau of the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one household." But many people have family they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by love, and the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a family are support, mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of community.

Although the concept of "family" is one of the oldest in human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three decades. Non-traditional family structures and roles can provide as much comfort and support as traditional forms.

Friends

two middle-aged friends laughing togetherA friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social-network researchers and authors of the book Connected, find that the average person has about six close ties—though some have more, and many have only one or none.

Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—research indicates that a large online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.

two people's hands joined together to form the shape of a heartPartnerships

Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually experience this kind of relationship with only one person at a time.

Basic rights in a relationship

  • The right to emotional support
  • The right to be heard by the other and to respond
  • The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's
  • The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
  • The right to live free from accusation and blame
  • The right to live free from criticism and judgment
  • The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
  • The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
  • The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

From Patricia Evans' The Verbally Abusive Relationship:

In addition to these basic relationships rights, consider how you can develop patience, honesty, kindness, and respect.

Patience: Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are times when others will respond to us in a way that is disappointing. When this occurs, it important to communicate our disappointment, but also to give the other person space.

Be willing to give the person some time to reflect, indicating that you are ready to talk when they are ready. If the person is never ready to discuss the situation, you may need professional help to resolve the issue, or ask yourself whether or not you want to continue the relationship.

Honesty: Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships. To build honesty in a relationship, you should communicate your feelings openly, and expect the other person to do the same. Over time, this builds trust.

Kindness: Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy relationships. You need to be considerate of others' feelings and other people need to be considerate of yours. Be kind when you communicate. Kindness will nurture your relationships. Note that being kind does not necessarily mean being nice. 

Respect: Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you don't have respect for another person, it will have a negative impact on all of your interactions. Think of a time when you encountered someone who didn't respect you. How did it feel? What are some ways that you show respect to others? 

http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/about/

Helliwell, J.F., Huang, H. (2013). Comparing the happiness effects of real and on-line friends. National Bureau of Economic Research. Working paper 18690. Retrieved from http://www.nber.org/papers/w18690.pdf.

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