How to Work with Threats
We deal with danger all the time in our lives, both real and perceived, though it shows up differently for all of us. The same environment can be safe for one person but present a threat to another. Just imagine a swimming pool for a swimmer and a non-swimmer; or two friends – one white, one Black – being pulled over by a police officer. Sometimes simply hearing about a threat – such as when we read about climate change in the news – can trigger debilitating fear.
In addition, the impact of real and perceived threats is often the same – meaning that we can experience the same heightened sense of fear whether there is a car barreling down the street toward us or we are watching a frightening movie.
The following techniques can help with many of the threats we deal with in our daily lives. (Obviously, life-threatening danger requires other immediate responses.)
Learn to distinguish between real and perceived threats
In order to learn effective responses, it is important to discern between threats that present actual harm and those that only "feel real" and cause unnecessary anxiety. Mindfulness, or paying nonjudgmental attention to your moment-to-moment experience, can help you begin to notice your reactions when you feel threatened. Perhaps your heart begins to pound, or your skin feels hot. When you notice your fear response arising, you can ask yourself: Am I in real danger? If so, what can I do to protect myself?
If you are not in immediate danger, take a deep breath. Acknowledge that you are frightened and practice self-compassion. Once you have calmed a bit, you can decide how to proceed.
Mindfulness can also be a helpful practice for reducing stress by helping you "come back down" after perceiving a threat. Below are some other strategies you can try.
Take a quick, purifying breath
- Inhale into a soft belly, taking in light, love, and healing energy. Picture this as clear, bright, or sparkling. Feel yourself becoming brighter.
- Exhale fully, releasing any tension, anxieties, or worry. You may picture it as darkness or a fog. Breathe out the fear, anger, or sadness.
Examine your thoughts
David worked with a therapist to examine his thoughts and their basis in reality.
What David Did to Overcome Fear
David had avoided flying on airplanes for most of his life because he found himself terrified of crashing. “I couldn’t stop thinking about all the disasters I heard about on the news, and every time I thought about flying, I would begin sweating and my heart started pounding. I only felt better by avoiding travel altogether.”
But as time went on, David’s fear began to prevent him from doing things he wanted to do. He missed his niece’s graduation and an important work conference, and his fear prevented him from taking his family on the vacation to the coast. “After years of avoidance, I realized this fear was holding me back, and I had to do something about it.”
David worked with a therapist
David met with a therapist, who encouraged him to examine his thoughts about flying and to question their basis in reality. After some research, David had to admit that his fears about plane crashes were greatly exaggerated in his mind—the flight industry is extraordinarily safe, and accidents are rare. The therapist also taught David some relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and visualization, that he could use any time he felt afraid.
He put his practice to the test
David decided to stop avoiding his fear, and he booked tickets to take his family on their dream vacation. As the flight took off, David focused on keeping his breathing calm and even. Whenever thoughts about crashing entered his mind, he replaced them with a positive thought about how much fun he would have with his family when they arrived. He closed his eyes and imagined the warm sand and waves lapping at his feet, his children laughing and building a sand castle. As the flight progressed, David began to relax. He even enjoyed looking out the window a bit. Anytime he felt himself getting nervous, he gently turned his attention back to his breathing until the feeling passed.
When the wheels touched the ground, he felt something more powerful than relief: “I felt so proud that I had faced my biggest fear head-on. As we landed, I felt like this thing that had such a powerful hold on me for so long had finally loosened its grip. I knew that I would probably still feel some anxiety when flying, but now I had the tools to face it with mindfulness. I finally feel free.”
Face the fear
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela
As behavioral scientist Frank Niles, says: “Many of us make the mistake of trying to get rid of fear. … Instead our goal should be to free ourselves from the control of fear. This takes courage, which is simply moving forward despite the presence of fear." We can pursue a full and meaningful life alongside of fear.
Don’t catastrophize
Even if you are in a difficult situation, focus on what is happening right then. Don’t waste time thinking about the worst that could happen—it probably never will. Just focus on what you need to do next.What to do when you get a difficult diagnosis
One good example of this is getting bad news at the doctor’s. When Susan was diagnosed with diabetes, she went into a tailspin thinking about all the health issues she would have, and how her life would be completely restricted. As a result, she didn’t think to ask some clarifying questions about managing her disease. Later on, as she found ways to manage her condition, Susan realized how she could have handled the initial news more skillfully.
Strategize
If you know in advance you will be in a fearful situation, plan what you can do. This is when it might be helpful to think about what could go wrong—before you are ever in the situation! Learn as much as you can, come with up strategies and practice them. This is what the U.S. military does—practice and practice until the behavior becomes automatic.
So, for example, if you are afraid of public speaking, you can start by getting feedback on your presentation style, then come up with ways to address your weaknesses and practice in front of progressively larger audiences. In addition, you can anticipate difficult questions or audience behaviors and come up with a plan.
Work collectively to reduce threats to personal safety
Collectively and individually, we need to look for solutions to real threats in our society, such as domestic abuse, gun violence, and systemic racism. While this might seem overwhelming, we can all find a way to do something. .Learn more about getting involved
- Getting involved in our neighborhood (civic engagement) is an effective activity we can all do that reduces violence and crime.
- Planting vegetation in high-crime neighborhoods is another simple action that has been shown to reduce violence and increase connectedness.
- Asking about domestic violence in a non-judgmental way helps victims come forward.
One approach is Gentle Action. The key here is to listen and work with others to identify issues, then start with small, simple steps engaging people from within the community. See what unfolds and make adjustments as necessary.
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